Quotes from the Underground

SEASON 1 PILOT EPISODE UNKNOWN INJURED SOLDIER:  Hey, Partner, I'm already dyin'.  Don't kill me no more. *** (Submitted by Percy) ANDERSON:  Step out, Mister Goofy! *** ANDERSON:  All right you guys, let's get him! JOHNSON:  Take that, you commie rat. *** LAWRENCE:  I don't believe it...bait.  They're using my life to go fishing. RUIZ:  This is what it's all about...war. *** JOHNSON:  Man, Lieutenant's got a lot to learn. TAYLOR:  He better learn fast or he's gonna get a bullet in his dunce-cap. *** HORN:  This war is wrong. ZEKE:  Maybe.  But that's not the point. EPISODE 2 - NOTES FROM THE UNDERGROUND ANDERSON:  Rank is something you wear. Respect is something you're gonna have to earn. GOLDMAN:  Yeah, I saw that movie, too. *** RUIZ:  Yeah.  I walk through the Valley of Death, I feel no evil.  I am the baddest madre that ever.... *** ANDERSON:  You alright? GOLDMAN:  I'm fine. ANDERSON:  That's reassuring. *** GOLDMAN:  I'm so afraid of snakes.  Ever since I was a kid. ANDERSON:  You'd be nuts if you weren't.  But what's important is you got control of it.  And that's about as close to being brave as I ever got. *** ANDERSON:  I'm the nightmare you're momma warned you about! *** ANDERSON:  Look at this stuff. This is American stuff.  They got more stuff than we do! *** BAKER:  Hey, look...elves! *** ANDERSON:  That's the best bad air I ever smelled in my life. *** NVA DOCTOR:  I miss the sun. *** TAYLOR:  Let me live. *** NVA DOCTOR:  Taylor...live well. *** GOLDMAN:  (when offered a slice of ham) Oy. EPISODE 3 - DISLOCATIONS MAJOR RIGBY:  (The) guy really wants to be left alone. ANDERSON:  Now, there's a subversive attitude if I ever heard one.  Why don't we string him up at sunrise? *** ANDERSON:  Are all you people from California that friendly? BAKER:  Just Southern California. *** BAKER:  What do you reckon's out there, Sarge? ANDERSON:  Well, lots of things, Baker.  May be nothing.  Could be one guy, could be ten guys, could be a thousand guys. No matter who it is, you konw they don't got our best interest at heart. *** MAMASAN:  G.I. dinky-dau. RUIZ:  What'd she say? ANDERSON:  She's saying you're crazy. *** ANDERSON:  Hey, Baker, I have news for you...your platoon sergeant plans on dying of natural causes, many years from now. *** GOLDMAN:  Relax.  Everything's under control. ANDERSON:  I could do this twenty years and not be relaxed. *** HORN:  Sir, do you know where we are? GOLDMAN:  Yup.  And the sergeant knows the way home, so don't shoot him when he comes up here. *** GOLDMAN:  Who goes there?  Who goes there? ANDERSON:  It's the Cavalry. RUIZ:  And your momma...and she's wearing jungle boots, too! *** GOLDMAN:  This radio is broken. *** GOLDMAN:  You mean to tell me a Viet Cong killed two North Vietnamese? ANDERSON:  That's my opinion. GOLDMAN:  Well, why don't we just go home and let 'em kill each other? *** GOLDMAN:  When was the last time you ate, Sergeant? ANDERSON:  Don't worry about me. I'm on a very strict diet. *** GOLDMAN:  Why didn't he shoot me? ANDERSON:  Oh, I dunno, LT.  you saved his woman.  Maybe he's one of those crazy people who still thinks that love is more important than politics. *** RUIZ:  So long, Mamasan. Alberto Ruiz owes you one. *** GOLDMAN:  Aw, come one man.  You know officers don't like getting their orders countermanded. ANDERSON:  Well, some officers make you forget that. *** RUIZ:  People are strategic, Sucka. EPISODE 4 - WAR LOVER SGT. EARL RAY MICHAELS:  Lieutenant...it's going to rain. EPISODE 11 - ROADRUNNERS (submitted by Percy) GOLDMAN:  Get the hell down here or I will shoot you down myself! EPISODE 13 - USO DOWN ANDERSON:  In this country, you're either afraid or you're crazy or you're dead. *** GOLDMAN:  No, you hear me.  Now first of all, I don't know who Charlie Parker is and second of all, I have had it up to here with your kvetching and your whining. *** ANDERSON:  Great, a couple of amateur Buffalo Bills gonna get their heads handed to them. *** CARLIN:  I'm scared, Man.  My heart is beatin' like it's gonna throw a rod. LONG JOHN:  That ain't s scared, Man.  That's alive. CARLIN:  Feels like scared to me. *** ANDERSON:  Tell me something...what's the difference between being brave and being stupid? GOLDMAN:  I dunno.  Maybe it's just timing. EPISODE 16 - GREY BROWN ODYSSEY HORN:  Here's the water. GOLDMAN:  I don't think he's thirsty anymore. *** GOLDMAN:  You know, I was starting to think I was the only Jew in this war. *** GOLDMAN:  Welcome to the waiting game.  I'm you're host, Myron Goldman. *** GOLDMAN:  You may not understand this, but I'm going to wring your little neck until you do. *** GOLDMAN:  For a second there, I thought I felt that VC hate slip away...or was that just your stomach growling? *** LI KIEM:  Enjoy the sunset, Goldman. *** HORN:  What happened?  Where's the girl? GOLDMAN  It's a long story, Horn.  It's just too long. EPISODE 21 - THE HILL GOLDMAN:  Don't listen to him, Mitchell.  He'll have you eating the local insects in with your c-rats. *** GOLDMAN:  That one shook loose a filling. HORN:  It shook loose my brains. *** ANDERSON:  Ain't nothin' shakin' but the peas in the pod! SEASON 2 EPISODE 22 - SAIGON PART 1 GOLDMAN:  I admire anyone with a plan. *** McKAY:  Rock and Roll is here to stay. GOLDMAN:  That's profound, McKay.  I'll have that laminated and put in my wallet. *** ANDERSON:  I wouldn't trust Jake Bridger if he told me the sky was blue. *** McKAY:  I hear you guys are number one--just short of being genuine heroes. ANDERSON:  Just goes to show you can't believe everything you hear. EPISODE 23 - SAIGON PART 2 GOLDMAN:  You can kill somebody you print as easily as you can with an M-16. *** RUIZ:  There you go.  You're lying again. PERCELL:  I'm also over here killing people, Ru, but that doesn't make me a bad person, does it? EPISODE 24 - FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH           (Submitted by Dana) TAYLOR:  Tell her he's hot and he's black and he wont' let you sleep. EPISODE 25 - TRUE GRIT GOLDMAN:  I'm not bitter.  Not a bit bitter.  No, sirree. EPISODE 27 - SLEEPING DOGS (Submitted by KitKat) ANDERSON:  You know...you could screw up a two-car funeral, buddy.  If this thing works, I oughta get the strip. EPISODE 29 - POPULAR FORCES DEVLIN:  No one gets used that doesn't want to be...at least nobody with a smile like that. GOLDMAN:  Okay, that's it...I can smile too! *** SEYMORE:  Be careful. ANDERSON:  I don't know any other way. *** ANDERSON:  Long day, LT.  It's a long day. EPISODE 31 - NIGHTMARE PERCELL:  Well, I really stepped in it this time, didn't I? ANDERSON:  Hip deep, Percell.  Hip deep. EPISODE 37 - THE VOLUNTEER ANDERSON:  Do you think they'll remember us for this? GOLDMAN:  Don't mean nothin'. SEASON 3 EPISODE 41 - LONELY AT THE TOP ANDERSON:  You're a major and I'm a sergeant.  I can get Leavenworth just for what I'm thinkin' about doin'.  Now, c'mon, Major.  You wanna fraternize with me in an unlawful manner?  Please? *** ANDERSON:  Why is it that it's always some young, loudmouthed hotshot like you that gets my men killed? *** SEYMORE:  What are we gonna do now? ANDERSON:  Baby, we're gonna sweat! EPISODE 42 - A BODYGUARD OF LIES TAYLOR:  I always win. JOHNSON:  You always cheat. *** GOLDMAN:  Ok, guys.  Time to do our imperialist duty. *** BELLER:  What happens in the bush stays in the bush, right? *** BELLER:  There ain't no black and white.  Not here. *** GOLDMAN:  I've never been afraid to rock the boat. BREWSTER:  You're a little late for that, Lieutenant...the boat's already going down. EPISODE 43 - A NECESSARY END DOC HOCK:  Frances Thurman Hockenberry, you are the world's biggest mother.  Somebody wanted to sell you a sack of dead buzzards, you'd be asking "How much?". EPISODE 47 - A WORLD OF CHANGES GOLDMAN: Ru, you get that pig set up, and if you hear something, make it squeal. EPISODE 48 - GREEN CHRISTMAS RUIZ:  You go too far, you lose yourself and you might as well be dead. EPISODE 51 - DEAD MAN TALES (submitted by Stacy) PERCELL:  He's a million dollar man...hellava way to win the war, isn't it? EPISODE 57 -THE RAID PERCELL:  Do powdered eggs come from powdered chickens? *** DOC HOCK:  It's hell being popular.

One of the things that made Tour of Duty such a remarkable television series was the incredible talent of the writers whose words gave such depth to all of the characters. Some lines were funny. Some were profound.  Some just tell it like it is.  This page is dedicated to sharing what I consider to be some of the best lines of the show. See if you don't agree with my choices.

To Be Continued....

Do you have a favorite quote from the show that you don't see here yet? E-mail me with the quote, who said it and from which episode, and I might add it to the page.

This page was last updated on: August 14, 2001

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